BIBLICAL MARRIAGE PRINCIPLES: Relationship Habits from the Sermon on the Mount
A marriage built on biblical principles is one of the most rewarding yet challenging relationships we can have. Unfortunately, statistics show that many couples struggle to maintain their commitment. In Oklahoma, the divorce rate is the second highest in the nation, and many couples admit they did not fully understand the depth of commitment marriage requires before saying, “I do.”
But marriage isn’t something you stumble upon; it’s something you build. As Gary Thomas said, “A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make and you have to keep on making it.” Just like building a strong house, a healthy marriage depends on good habits. And what better place to look for wisdom than Jesus’ teachings in the Sermon on the Mount? Here are five powerful habits that can help couples build a marriage that stands the test of time.
Marriage Biblical Principle 1. Build Your Marriage on the Right Foundation: The Habit of First Priority
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.” – Matthew 7:24
The foundation of a strong marriage isn’t romance or compatibility—it’s Jesus. When Christ is our first priority, we become more committed to obeying Him than simply getting our own way. For those seeking a spouse, the most important question isn’t, “How do they make me feel?” but rather, “Will this person help me grow closer to Jesus?”
For married couples, the question remains: Are we still seeking Christ together? A few practical ways to build this habit include:
- Providing accountability for each other’s spiritual growth
- Setting aside dedicated time for personal and shared devotion
- Organizing schedules to make time for prayer and Bible study
Marriage Biblical Principle 2. Walk in Purity: The Habit of Virtue
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” – Matthew 5:8
Marital joy thrives in an atmosphere of purity. In today’s world, purity in marriage is under constant attack, yet Jesus’ words remain true: even looking at someone with lust is an act of unfaithfulness in the heart (Matthew 5:27-32). Couples must fight for purity together by:
- Guarding their eyes and hearts (Job 31:1)
- Finding satisfaction in their spouse alone (Proverbs 5:18-19)
- Surrounding themselves with healthy, God-honoring marriages
Studies show that divorce can be “contagious.” Couples who have friends that divorce increase their own risk of divorce by 75%. Protecting marriage means choosing influences wisely.
Marriage Biblical Principle 3. Correct with Humility: The Habit of Confrontation
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” – Matthew 5:5
Conflict is inevitable in marriage, but how we handle it determines the strength of our relationship. The key is meekness—strength under control. Jesus warns against hypocrisy in correction (Matthew 7:3-5), urging us to examine our own hearts before confronting our spouse.
John Gottman, a leading marriage researcher, identifies four toxic communication habits that destroy relationships:
- Criticism: Attacks character instead of addressing issues
- Contempt: Expresses disrespect and superiority
- Defensiveness: Shifts blame instead of taking responsibility
- Stonewalling: Withdraws from communication altogether
Instead, couples should:
- Express complaints calmly and specifically
- Show respect and avoid sarcasm
- Take responsibility for their actions
- Recognize when they need to take a break before re-engaging in a discussion
Marriage Biblical Principle 4. Don’t Kill Each Other: The Habit of Coolheadedness
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” – Matthew 5:9
Uncontrolled anger in marriage is as destructive as physical violence. Jesus equates anger with murder (Matthew 5:21-23), highlighting the seriousness of harboring bitterness and resentment.
Practical ways to manage anger include:
- Identifying triggers and keeping a journal
- Taking thoughts captive instead of acting on them
- Practicing deep breathing exercises (e.g., 4-7-8 breathing technique)
- Using “I” statements instead of blame (e.g., “I feel hurt” vs. “You never listen!”)
- Seeking counseling if necessary (there’s no shame in getting help!)
Marriage Biblical Principle 5. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive: The Habit of Grace
“If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” – Matthew 6:14-15
Forgiveness is essential in marriage. Ruth Graham once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Marriage exposes our weaknesses, making forgiveness a daily necessity. Jesus’ command to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) is a reminder that marriage requires grace upon grace.
Forgiveness in marriage means:
- Choosing to let go of past hurts instead of using them as weapons
- Trusting God’s justice instead of seeking revenge
- Seeing our spouse as God sees them—flawed but loved
Conclusion: Build Your Marriage on the Rock
A thriving marriage doesn’t happen by accident—it’s built through intentional habits. Prioritizing Jesus, pursuing purity, handling conflict with humility, controlling anger, and extending grace will strengthen your relationship and create a love that lasts a lifetime.
Whether you are newly married, engaged, or have been together for decades, these principles from the Sermon on the Mount will help you build a marriage that withstands life’s storms. Start today—commit to these habits and watch your marriage grow stronger on the solid foundation of Christ.
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